Jan 13th 2004 - Epilogue by Lax - our trip to Yercaud

Hi All,

Wow!!!!!

We had a great time ……………jus an unfinished epilogue pls feel free to add on ………………..

This trip had all the ingredients that is needed to make a masala film…. It started of with a scene equivalent to the final climax -- no one knew who are all going to the tour. All of the sudden every thing fell into place .And in the end the climax – 10 hr marathon journey to Madras.

The highlight of the trip to yercaud was the rise of the new FM station --- GKFM 105.6 :-) We all hope u do more of these in future hopefully not to us.

The memories – numbing chillness of yercaud and beautiful places that v visited still remain fresh as are the clear sky, pure air, pleasant sunshine ,chilly fog and starry nights. Do not forget the TV channels?

How some one made his mark on all the landmarks of yercaud can be told as separate bed time story? (Title: “Who Did What on Ladies Seat?” or “I know what u did on Ladies Seat”)

Photo sessions that captured the hidden beauty in all of us. Kudos to the photographers.

How can a masala film be without a dance sequence? – round kuthu dance at yearcaud so beautifully captured by our cameraman Hari – receives best video of the tour award .We can give the current Hero’s and Heroine’s a scare if we could release this video commercially.

Some scientist amongst still debate on the veracity of the claim to fame of the Sevroyan temple, the cave the is said to reach the starting point of cauvery.If someone gets to the bottom of it I mean, the end of it - pls let us all know.

Boating in Yercaud Lake was time of utmost enjoyment for one and all – except for rajan and me – just JOKING (Sangeetha and Priya).

Walk through the Rose garden has its share of memories but sadly with very few Roses.

If there is a championship for eating Chilly Bajjis we have an undisputed champion among us.

The trip gave us some Smarties and Buddies – no puns intended here.

The view from the vantage hill top, awesome!!! Even the long time we spent there could help us assimilate the whole beauty of the panoramic view.

The baby corn was another highlight there.

Food at Sevaroy’s Hotel, makes one say a la carte was the best…………..

From Yercaud, we move to Hogenekal --------- A build up

Total tension -CHAOS -nobody knows how much time we sleep at yercaud so that we can go to Hogenekal and then reach home sweet home in time.

Finally everybody’s flat except for few strong souls who did not sleep till late night, morning very very early morning we were made to be in cold water which was meant to be hot. Many of you have some funny itsy bitsy things to say about this period of the tour……………..we are all eager to hear it.

Hogenekal we were in Verrapan territory --- luckily no one got kidnapped……………………………..

We were given very warm welcome by TTDC hotel there ………………………….. Parking, Lunch and all.

Some guys tried to make history at the Hotel and one was successful – a rare feat to be precise ;-) may be next time when we go there we might c the guy’s photo there “framed”.

Parisal what can I say about the round boat that went straight to the edge of the falls and out? I have left lots of space below for you all to fill it up….

If Parisal boat ride was good then the bath after so called massage was ………..can’t find an apt word,

We did all sorts of swimming, water sports .I had a great time in “JACUZZI”.

Now I need an answer from some one who did bathe BUT FULLY CLOTHED. What is the reason???????????????????????????????????????????

Finally the Fish spoiled it for some but it was great escape for others…………………………………………………….

The GD’s on the van did enlighten many and made all of us know each other better a lot better. Some negative impact though, a guy has become fearful of marriage as he is single child?

Then there was rumor of life on Mars…………

How can one forget the Ambur Biriyani at Khaja’s?

Some one got on the bus sick as the tour progressed she was the most enthusiastic one around. What is the secret of your energy?

The deft planning and smart execution that went in order to get every one where they needed to go needs to be praised.

What did I get back from tour? A euphoric feeling of great friendship and a hope of many more happy days ahead. What about u all?

Guy’s n Gals this all I could muster now and I know that I might have left out some beautiful things in this mail.Pls put your thoughts and feelings into it and make this epilogue to a novel Novel, which we could keep ourselves. As a gift that keeps the memories of the great time we had, fresh forever.

Cheers,

Laxmi

Feb 17th 2003 - How "Average" People Excel/by Alan Loy McGinnis* (R's D Oct. 1992. pp. 24-8)

In University Jim seemed a classic fast-tracker. He made good grades with little effort, and his classmates voted him "Most Likely to Succeed." After graduation, he had his pick of jobs.
Jim joined the sales department of a large insurance company and at first did well. He quickly hit a plateau, however, and switched to smaller company, where he also plateau. Bored with sales, he tried sales management. Again, the same pattern developed: well-liked, regarded as a fast-tracker, he soon fizzled like a wet firecracker. Today he is selling insurance for yet another company - and wonders why he isn't doing better.
Then there is Joseph D'Arrigo. "I've always regarded myself as average," D'Arrigo told me. "I got into life insurance and did reasonably well By a fluke, I was put on a committee with several of the biggest salespeople in the industry. I was terribly intimidated."
As he came to know these achievers, however, D'Arrigo realized something: "They were no more geniuses than I was. They were just ordinary people who had set their sights high, then found a way to achieve their goals." He also realized something more: "If other average guys could dream big dreams, so could I." Today he owns a million - dollar company specializing in employee benefits.
Why do ordinary individuals like D'Arrigo often seem to achieve so much more than people like Jim? To found out, I interviewed over 190 men and women in my work as a corporate consultant. The results of this informal survey confirmed for me what Theodore Roosevelt once said: "The average man who is successful is not a genius. He is a man who has merely ordinary qualities, but who has developed those ordinary qualities to a more than ordinary degree."

I determined that "average" people who excel:

1. Learn self-discipline. "You don't need talent to succeed," insists Irwin C. Hansen, chief executive of Porter Memorial Hospital in Denver, Colorado, who has gained a reputation for turning around under - performing hospitals. "All you need is a big pot of glue. You smear some on your chair and some on the seat of your pants, you sit down, and you stick with every project until you've done the best you can do."
Average achievers stay glued to their chairs and postpone pleasure so they can reap future dividends. Many fast-trackers, on the other hand, expect too much too soon. When rewards don't materialize instantly, they may become frustrated and unhappy.
Fifty years ago, a group of researchers began an ambitious, longterm study of 268 male university students analyzing the paths their lives were to take. Among these men, now in their late 60s and 70s, the researchers found school performance was little related to job competence. Qualities like "steady and dependable" and "practical and organized" were more important. According to Dr. George E. Vaillant, the psychiatrist who now directs the study, one crucial mental habit was what he calls "the capacity to postpone - but not forgo - gratification."
Frances Johansen, a financial planner, sees this principle at work in the way people manage their money, as well as their careers. She tells about two couples she counsels. One is a professional working couple, university-educated fast-trackers. "They bring home over $140,000 a year," Johansen says. "Yet they are $60,000 in debt and have nothing to show for their hard work except a big mortgage and a lot of bills. Then there's another couple in their 40s," she continus. "They sacrificed in the early years, bought a home as soon as they could, then made some investments and built a large equity. Now they are living in a lovely house and no longer have to stay on a budget."
The husband, a blue-collar worker, has only a secondary-school diploma," Johansen notes. "But he worked hard and built his career step by step, applying self-discipline and simply being patient."

2. Bring out the best in people. Franklin Murphy, one- time chancellor of the University of California at Los Angeles and later chief executive of the Times Mirror Co., puts it bluntly: he succeeded on the talents of others. "I always sought out people who were talented, who had self-discipline. Then I developed their affection and loyalty. I recruited them, motivated them, and when we achieved something, I shared the credit with them."
Many of the fast-trackers I spoke with couldn't tolerate getting help from others or sharing success, often because of an overpowering ego. Collaboration is the key, and one of the best collaborators I've met is Marilynn Surbeck, who supervises ten people for the Los Angeles County Bar Association. "Many of them are more intelligent than I am, and that's the way l like it," Surbeck says. "I'm there to manage their conflicts and motivate them enough so they can do the things they do well."
How did she learn these skills? Surprisingly, Surbeck notes, "by being a single mother with a daughter who required lots of professional help." Twenty-four-year-old Holly has multiple physical and mental handicaps, and over the years Marilynn Surbeck had to elicit help from many agencies, doctors and other specialists.
"Frequently," she says, "I found myself sitting at a table with five or six professionals, all with different ideas about what would be best for my daughter. So I had to learn negotiation skills in a hurry" - and basically, how to get everyone on the same track. "They knew more than I did, but I knew how to bring them together. When I got into management, I discovered these were transferable skills that were seen as quite valuable."

3. Build a knowledge base. Average achievers are not looking at the top job, as many fast-trackers tend to do - but at the job one step above. So they often broaden their knowledge base in a way that many fast-trackers don't.
Consider a young man named Holtz, He wasn't good enough to stand out in any one, single position on his secondary-schol America football team. So he studied every position and waited for his opportunity. After graduating in the bottom half of his class, he went off to university, where he attracted little interest. Following his graduation, he became an assistant coach at five different universities.
By the time he took over as football coach at Notre Dame Univetsity in the United States in 1985, Lou Holtz had built a broad base of coaching knowledge and soon returned the school to the pinnacle of university football. During Holtz's six-season reign, Notre Dame has won a stunning 77 percent of its games.

4. Develop special skills. Howard Gardner, a psychologist, notes that standard I.Q. tests primarily measure only two kinds of ability: math and language skills. In fact, he says, there are at least seven basic intellectual skills: mathematical-logical, linguistic, musical spatial, bodily kinesthetic and two types of personal intelligence-how we understand others, and how we deal with our own dreams, fears and frustrations. So while you may not be good at math, you may have an aptitude for design; or you may have an ability for persuading people and could, with training, become an excellent negotiator.
Thomas J. Wastson, Jr., had trouble living in the shadow of his father, the long-time head of IBM. Always a lackluster student, the younger Watson even needed a tutor to get through the IBM sales school. "I had no distinctions, no successes," he writes in Father, Son & Co.
When Watson started flying lessons, however, something happened. "What a feeling!" he says. "I was good at flying, instantly good. I plowed everything into this mad pursuit and gained a lot of self-confidence."
This single success led to greater successes. Because of his experience as a pilot, Watson became an officer in the U.S. Air Force during World War II. He was not brilliant, he concedes. But he discovered he had "an orderly mind and an unusual ability to focus on what was important and to put it across to others." Watson eventually became chief executive of IBM - and took the company into the computer age. In 15 years, he increased IBM's revenues almost tenfold.

5. Keep Promises. Wendell Will, an attorney in my town, once told me, "I'd like to think my success as a lawyer is due to my brilliant legal mind. But I think it is really because I always keep my word. If I promise a client that a document will be ready at a certain time, it is ready. That quality is so rare today that if you have it, people think you're a genius."
Three women started a design company 14 years ago, furnishing model homes for the U.S. housing industry. From the first, they built their business far more on simple dependability than on any strokes of creative genius. Last year, company volume exceeded $2 million.
"Because we've never been late with an installation," says Kathey Scroggie, one partner, "we've survived the recession when our competitors were declaring bankruptey. Once, with a grand opening scheduled for the end of the week, and much of our furniture still on a truck somewhere between here and the wholesaler, several days' drive away, we went out and bought $5000 worth of items at retail prices. That ate up most of our profit, but we couldn't let the builder down."
Samra Keller, vice president of sales and marketing for the developer on that project, verifies the value of such reliability. "The best ability is dependability," she says. "We'd stick with these women to our dying day because we know they'll go to such lengths to keep their word."

6. Bounce back from defeat. Sylvia Erdman was the victim of a cutback. "I did okay in school," she says, "but nothing outstanding. Then I got into marketing and discovered I had a kind of 'street smarts' about what people like." At 42, Erdman joined Revlon as senior director of marketing for European designer fragrances. But after only seven months, she was let go as part of a cutback. "It was like somebody had punched me in the nose," she says.
A month later, a publishing friend asked for advice on selling advertising to the beauty industry. Two and a half years later, working out of her apartment, Erdman is now supplying that advice to major clients at roughly the same income she earned at Revlon. She likes being her own boss. "Getting laid off forces you to be creative," she says. "It lights a fire under you."

Ultimately, there is nothing more powerful than a person with an average mind who holds his or her head high and goes about life with zest and surety. U.S. President Abraham Lincoln could have been destroyed by his seeming ordinariness. He came from a poor backgroud and had an ungainly appearance. Instead, he went on to greatness-while giving new meaning and dignity to what the world considered "aveerage." As Lincoln was once quoted as saying, "God must have loved the common people, because he made so many of them."(1995. 1. 9.월)

* Alan Loy McGinnis is a family therapist and corporate consultant. He has written five books, including The Friendship Factor, Bringing Out the Best in People and The Power of Optimist.

July 3rd 2003 - Keep out of reach of ur bosses

"This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards!"

Dear Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fiddle with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely

Darryl Brewer

July 16th 2003 - Impress or confuse clients

Do you want to impress or confuse clients or Vice versa?.........use Techno vocabulary..

It can be called the "Buzzword" writing method. It is simple. There are three columns of words involved, as follows:


0. Balanced 0. Management 0. contingency
1. total 1. Organization 1. Hardware (or software)
2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection
3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame
4. synchronized 4. digital 4. concept
5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming
6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility
7. functional 7. Incremental 7. capability
8. parallel 8. third-generation 8. flexibility
9. systemized 9. policy 9. options


Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: "integrated modular capability". Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you; it won't mean anything to anyone else either, but they'll think you're just smarter than they are so they won't say anything!! ..


You can propose "systemized reciprocal options" (929) to achieve "optimal transitional flexibility" (568), so that we can think of an "integrated monitored projection" ..............and your boss will probably promote you or your customer will be blown away with your technological superiority !

June 11th 2002 - one of the best inspirng article I have ever read.

> >INTERESTING..
> >
> >IN 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record
> >audition
> >
> >for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The executives
> >were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one
> >executive
> >
> >said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way
> >out."
> >
> >The group was called The Beatles.
> >
> >*****
> >
> >In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling
> >Agency, told modelling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn
> >secretarial
> >
> >work or else get married." She went on and became Marilyn Monroe.
> >
> >*****
> >
> >In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer
> >after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son.
> >You ought
> >
> >to go back to drivin' a truck. "He went on to become the most popular
> >singer in America named Elvis Presley.
> >
> >*****
> >When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not
> >ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a
> >demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an
> >amazing invention, but who would ever want to use one of them?"
> >
> >*****
> >
> >When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000
> >experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him
> >how
> >it felt to fail so many times He said, "I never failed once. I
> >invented
> >thelight bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
> >
> >******
> >
> >In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took
> >his
> >idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the
> >country.
> >They all turned him down. In 1947 - after seven long years of
> >rejections!
> >He finally got a tiny company in Rochester, New York, the
> >Haloid
> >company, to purchase the rights to his invention an electrostatic
> >paper-
> >
> >copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation we know today.
> >
> >******
> >
> >Wilma Rudolph was the 20th of 22 children. She was born
> >prematurely
> >and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she
> >contacted
> >double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a
> >paralysed left
> >
> >leg.
> >At age 9 she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent
> >on and
> >began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic
> >walk, which
> >
> >doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become
> >a
> >runner.
> >She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every
> >race
> >she entered, she came in last Everyone told her to quit, but she
> >kept on
> >
> >running.
> >One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on
> >she won
> >every race she entered. Eventually this little girl, who was told
> >she
> >would never walk again, went on to win three Olympic gold
> >medals.
> >
> >*****
> >
> >The Moral of the above Stories: Character cannot be developed in
> >ease
> >and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can
> >the soul
> >be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success
> >achieved.
> >
> >
> >You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience
> >where
> >you really stop to look fear in the face....
> >
> >You must do the thing you cannot do. And remember, the finest
> >steel gets
> >
> >sent through the hottest furnace.
> >A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS!
> >In LIFE, remember that you pass this way only once !
> >Let's live life to the fullest and give it our extreme best..
> >Have a
> >blissful life..
> >

June 5th 2002 - A college student writes to his parents...

>
>Dear Mom and Dad,
>
>I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel
>ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell
>in my body rebels.
>I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
>
>Your son,
>Marvin.
>
>P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in
>the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I
>prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."
>
>
>
>.................
>
>A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
>
>
>"Your prayers were answered.
>Your letter never arrived!"
>

June 3rd 202 - Some tips for Arranged marriage

Some tips for Arranged marriage

A personal note:

Dear Reader,

In the following article the views shared by the author are his own & are based on his personal experience. These views may not be applicable in all circumstances. Please interpret the article based on your own free judgement.

Wish you a very happy married life. Thank you.

Warm Regards,

Arranged marriage

There are times in a person’s life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are –

· What sort of a girl do I marry?

· Will she adjust in my family?

· How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?

· When should I get married?

· This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake?

…. so on and so forth…

I will try to address these & many more questions in the following sections.

The Nine Rules of Arranged marriage

· Rule 1 – Magic no. 28

In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl’s to get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, “I will marry when I settle down”.

· Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls

At times you hear statements like, “I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then”. Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are fixed.

· Rule 3 – Competition for girls

Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls. In my own case, I was rejected by girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai, but then for all Ashs in the world, there are many Salman Khans who also want to marry them. So, set your expectations accordingly.

· Rule 4 -- Understanding girls

You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I am still trying to understand my wife… ;-).. Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/ chat to choose your girl.

· Rule 5 – Society expectation

The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can’t meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

· Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl’s family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/ religion plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

· Rule 6 – Know yourself

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it’s very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, “Opposite attract”, while they also say, “Bird of same feather flock together”. So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection. Don’t forget rule no.3 here.

· Rule 7 -- Girl’s Beauty

A girl’s looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb blonde. It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl’s looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on it life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.

· Rule 8 -- Taking advice

As I have mentioned in the next rule, it’s very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don’t do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others’ advice, but don’t forget to take their advice.

· Rule 9 -- Own decision

All said & done, it’s your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don’t marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don’t work out & you end up saying, “It’s because of my friends or my parents that I married you”, then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That’s when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marriage the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?

From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:

· Definition phase -- Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

· Lead Generation phase -- Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting biodatas at one go. Remember the Rule 2 here.

· Short listing phase – Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting biodatas. The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:

· The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/ herself

· Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope

· The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information

· The receiver send similar information

· If the biodata is selected, it is passed over to the next phase

· Casual interaction phase – Based on shortlisting, about 7 to 10 biodatas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 – 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/ chat.

· Family interaction phase – Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

· The dating phase – Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

· The D-day phase – Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue,

“Never do anything to others that you don’t like for yourself”.

Enjoy the selection process, it is fun…. ;-) ..